After multiple attempts dabbling in the in online dating world, (more times than I feel comfortable sharing) I decided to throw in the towel. My dating life has been on pause for a couple of months now, but the holidays are fast approaching and I’m starting to feel a little, antsy. To remind myself why I waved my white flag, vigorously I might add, I began to reminisce upon my most “interesting” dates. Lucky for you all, I’m going to write about them. Think of it as an early Christmas present from yours truly.
Match – The Hockey Fan
This was one of my first dates on Match (the first time around). This guy, we’ll call him Ryan, seemed sweet through email. He was funny, complimentary, well-rounded, and tall. He recommended dinner and a Ducks game for our first date! I was pleasantly surprised by his suggestion and thrilled at the fact that we’d be sitting 3rd row, center ice! Score! (Pun intended) My only hope was that he looked as good in person as he did in his photos. My first glimpse of Ryan confused me. I wasn’t quite sure if it was really him or someone who looked vaguely like him. Immediately I realized I needed to control my facial expression as he walked toward me. Crap, I’ve been duped. He must have used photos from a few years ago, and by a few I mean at least 15, but my mother taught me to never judge a book by its cover. Besides, I needed to focus on the positives, like center ice, center ice, center ice. Conversation at dinner was dry at best and I couldn’t wait to get to the game. Once we got to our seats, I thought I died and went to heaven. I’ve never been so close to the players! It was fantastic. But there was a problem. Some people are blessed with the gift of multi-tasking. I am not one of those people. Being on a first date and trying to watch a sporting event at the same time is hard. Actually, it’s impossible and on top of impossible, it’s awkward. I needed clarification after every question or statement. I was annoyed at myself every time I said what, sorry I can’t hear you, or could you say that again. We both gave up eventually. At one point in the game, I noticed he was on his phone and waving to someone or something in the nose bleed section to the left of us. He informed me his Dad and brother were also at the game. Great! A family affair! It wasn’t a big deal until he mentioned that his dad brought binoculars to try to spot us to see what I looked like. The rest of the game was just too painful. I couldn’t enjoy either event. I don’t even remember who the Ducks were playing or if they won. Perfect seats, awkward date.
Christian Mingle – The Christian Who’s Not Really Christian
“Christian Mingle, see who God has for you”. You can’t go wrong with that slogan! There’s no way you’ll have a bad date with a Christian, unless he’s not. I assumed there would be false advertising on other dating sites, but I expected more from Christian Mingle. Paul, was an active, good looking, faith filled man, looking for a good girl, or so I thought. On our date, he explained that he just got out of a four year relationship and that his brother recently married a girl from Christian Mingle. As then date went on, I found out that he wasn’t actually a Christian nor was he sold on the idea that God exists, but figured that girls on Christian Mingle would fit his “good girl” expectation. I went home that night and canceled my membership.
E-Harmony – The Football Player
Carl was the ideal man. He had his own business, was a comfortable six foot seven, owned his home, and loved his dog. Perfect! He looked great in his photos, but from past experience, I knew to lower my expectations just in case. We met at the Orange County Fair and as soon as I spotted my gentle giant, I was undoubtedly disappointed, again. The Carl I was looking for was about 75 pounds smaller with full head of hair. This Carl was not what my lowered expectations had expected. Again, never judge a book by its cover or its 3XL poop brown polo shirt. As we walked through the fair, we finally got a chance to get to know each other more. After being totally awed by the fact that he was 32 and basically retired, I asked more questions on how that was possible. Finally, he admitted that he used to play professional football for the Chargers. What?! Yes, the Chargers. I was impressed and intrigued! Maybe I didn’t give Carl enough credit. After the pig races, we went to see the fair animals. Every male we passed, he felt obligated to whisper in my ear to notice that it was in fact, a male. Imagine a six foot seven man, giggling, at the visible male organs on the various fair animals. This date took a turn toward uncomfortable town. What’s worse was that he seemed to be fixated on this matter. For the next half an hour, he continued to bring up that particular organ and giggle about it. My big burly, professional football player had turned into a 5 year old. I didn’t hear from Carl again. Thankfully.
Recalling these dates remind me that despite the energy put into creating profiles, emailing, and texting, the outcomes seem to share a common theme: disappointment. I guess it really depends on the person when it comes to dating. I’m an old fashioned girl attempting to fit into a popular trend. What I’ve realized is that classy and old fashioned might not be the popular way to date, but in the end, my expectations will be beyond anything I can imagine. Maybe, even better than Ryan Gosling.
