The Dating Pool: Floaties Optional

I like to think of the dating world as being a huge pool party.  There are the people in the deep end, drowning and desperate for a boyfriend, girlfriend, or marriage.  Then there are the folks in the shallow end, who are just that, shallow.  These people see dating as recreational.  They usually have hundreds of sexual partners and would rather loose a limb then commit to one person for the rest of their life.  Finally, there’s the middle of the pool.  I would say that most people hang out in this area, my-self included.  The goal is to find someone who is splashing around in your section.  You definitely don’t want to drift toward the deep end, but you also don’t to be so cynical about love that you end up in the shallow end.  The problem is there are so many people at this pool party and society tells us that there’s only one person out there for you.  My question is how are we supposed to enjoy dating when we’re under so much pressure to find “the one”?

My co-worker put this deliema in a different perspective for me and I thought I would share it with my fellow singletons.   Instead of there just being one person for you, there are actually 100 people who you could happily spend the rest of your life with.  Sure, we’d like to find the person who is at the top of that list, but guess what, if we met Mr. or Mrs. Fifty-eight, they go strait to number one!  Phew!  Now that the stress is off, jump in and enjoy the pool party because once you find and marry “the one/number fifty-eight”, it won’t be too long until you’re hanging out in the baby pool.

Why We're Single

I read a blog the other day and in the first sentence the woman who wrote this article and said the words that every single girl everywhere hates to admit.  It’s so shameful that I would rather wear a tube top and hot pants in church than actually say it out loud. 

“You want to get married. It's taken a while to admit it. Saying it out loud -- even in your mind -- feels kind of desperate, kind of unfeminist, kind of definitely not you, or at least not any you that you recognize.” – Tracy McMillan

Then she talks about the moment when you realize that you do want to Say Yes to the Dress and that you have, on more than one occasion, thought about submitting an application and your photo to ABC so you can marry “The Bachelor”.

The rest of the blog goes into the reasons why a single girl is just that – single.  She states that if we weren’t angry, shallow, promiscuous, a liar, selfish, and insecure we would have found the man of our dreams by now and be happily married.  I would have to agree that in some cases, we sometimes stand in the way of our own happiness but I also think that it’s fair to say that it’s not just us.

Let me share some examples.  My friends and I know the rules of dating.  Don’t share too much too soon, don’t talk about the five pounds you gained last week, and don’t under any circumstance let slip that you have a Wedding board on your Pintrest page.  We get it.  But we aren’t perfect!  One time on a date I had a moment of weakness and went to the restroom because I thought my hair was getting frizzy and looked like the lion from The Wizard of Oz.  I came back to the table and without even thinking, explained to my date what I had just done and why.  We actually discussed my “frizzy hair” for what seemed like the longest two minutes of my life.  The moment I realized what I was doing, I wanted to stuff my napkin in my mouth to shut myself up.  So in this case, yes, I can see why that might lead to my singleness, but let me share a different example.

I dated a great guy for a few weeks.  Things were going well and looked promising.  Then suddenly out of nowhere, this “great guy” fell off the face of the earth!  Ok, he didn’t really fall off the face of the earth because as a college graduate, I know that the earth is round.  But, if the earth did have an edge, he didn’t just fall off of it; he jumped.  This guy cut off all communication.  No facebooking (yes, I am using that as an verb), no texting, no phone calls.  He totally disappeared.  Later I found out that some guys referred to this as "going dark".   If I had some warning before he was going to “go dark”, I would have politely given him a flashlight so he could find his phone and call me to explain that he didn’t see things moving forward.  

Here is one last example of why it’s not always us who stand in the way of our own happiness.  Let me introduce this by stating that drive through Sonic is never an acceptable form of food on a date.  Sonic man’s reason for taking us there was simple: you shouldn’t take a girl to a nice restaurant on a first date in case you don’t end up liking her.  There is no sense in wasting money.  I was told this to my face, which I almost respect in a small way, while in the passenger seat of the drive through.  We didn’t even get to sit in the cool pull up parking spots where the girls come out on roller skates.

You might say that I am picking the wrong guys.  This is not the case.  These guys are tall, good-looking, hold full time jobs, and don’t live at home.  I believe that single girls, myself included, are single because we AREN’T angry, shallow, promiscuous, a liar, selfish, or insecure.  We are single because we know what we want and we are willing to wait for the person that God brings us.